Virtually real- Virtuellement vraie

Micheline Harvey: Virtual Assistant, real person/Adjointe Virtuelle, mais tout à fait vraie

Big decision number 3 – Not worrying about what other people think February 10, 2013

Filed under: My view/mon point de vue — matamich @ 12:32 pm
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I had an AHA moment during my recent trip to Cuba in January, when I turned to my husband and said “That’s it! That is my Big Decision Number 3. Please remind me to blog about this when we get back.” Well, of course either he completely forgot or he wasn’t really listening (I vote for option 2), and I really need to carry a pen and paper around or something so I can write, even when I’m on a tropical vacation, because whatever it was slipped my mind as well.

Of course, at the moment I was still angry at him for acting like a toddler and having a temper tantrum about an outing we were supposed to book while on vacation, so perhaps it wasn’t really a Big Decision, but more an immediate reaction to the situation.

No matter, Big Decision Number 3 snuck up on me on its own, perhaps with the help of Big Decisions 1 and 2 that required much effort on my part and are still ongoing. This time, it was natural.

Big Decision Number 3 is not to worry about what other people think, or at least worry less about it. Not that I am obsessed with what other people think. I’m able to be silly, even in public, laugh at myself and I’m not that easily embarrassed. But I have always been self-conscious, and believed that people watch me and see just about everything that I do. In reality, most people are quite oblivious to what is going on around them. Unless it involves them directly, they mostly don’t give a crap.

This may sound silly, but feeling like this has kept me from trying or doing many things, and I’m sure I missed out on quite a few opportunities specifically because of this tendency to be so self-conscious, unsure, much too preoccupied with what other people might think, and afraid.

Well, today I can honestly say that I don’t feel like people are watching me. Also, I don’t really care what they think if they are looking at me. I had proof of that just last week when I brought my lunch to the research center on Tuesday and the only plastic bowls that I had to mix my oatmeal and my soup in were a Carmen Campagne bowl for little kids and a Disney Princess bowl, both very flashy and ridiculously juvenile. Normally, I would have waited for the staff kitchen to be empty to prepare my meals and wash my bowls. This time I didn’t even give it a thought. I marched right into the full staff kitchen and did my thing in full view of all the young lab employees, without a care in the world. I OWNED my silly kid bowls and did not care.

This may seem like nothing to you, but it was a significant step forward for me.

As a reminder:

Big Decision 1: Severing ties with a major client.

Big Decision 2: Letting go.

Big Decision 3: Not worrying about what other people think.

Stay tuned for Big Decision Number 4!

 

Big decision number 2 – Letting go January 4, 2013

Filed under: My view/mon point de vue — matamich @ 6:17 pm
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decision-diceRecently, I had been feeling sad and somewhat trapped by my life. I had to do something to change this. All around me, I was witnessing people making major life decisions, difficult ones, separations, quitting their job to pursue a dream, giving up things that were part of their lives, shaking things up and, not only feeling better about themselves as a result, but also looking better, feeling healthier and more optimistic about their future.

My first big decision was to end a relationship with a client who treated me as an employee instead of a collaborator or consultant.

My second big decision touches every sphere of my life, but mostly my personal life and my relationships with my spouse, my daughter, my family, and my friends.

This decision is to do my very best to let go. In French, we use the lovely expression lâcher prise. Although I know that I should always live by this simple rule, it is very difficult to achieve, as I am a perfectionist and a worrier and I tend to take on other people’s problems and situations as if they were my own.

I am the one who reminds my spouse not to forget someone’s birthday, or to return a call, to show up where he’s expected, to call his dad or his brother, etc. I am the one who organizes and frets over family gatherings, meals, gift exchanges, and so on. I am the one who reminds my daughter to thank people or give them some news. I am the one who reminds people about deadlines, payments, to check up on things, to remember appointments, meetings, etc.

Nobody reminds me or acts as my backup brain. Not many take charge and organize things. And if they don’t happen, the other people implicated don’t seem overly bothered by this.

So I’m setting myself free. I will strive to stop thinking for others. I will not feel that I have to remind people of things and it will not be my fault if they forget. It will only be theirs. I will not take things so seriously and if an event doesn’t happen, then it was simply not meant to be.

I will focus on my things, my schedule, and my projects. I will focus on ME.

Stay tuned for big decision number three.

 

Big decisions – it’s time November 18, 2012

Filed under: Virtual Assistance/Assistance Virtuelle — matamich @ 1:08 pm
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Recently, I had been feeling sad and somewhat trapped by my life. I had to do something to change this. All around me, I was witnessing people making major life decisions, difficult ones, separations, quitting their job to pursue a dream, giving up things that were part of their lives, shaking things up and, not only feeling better about themselves as a result, but also looking better, feeling healthier and more optimistic about their future.

It was time for me make the jump.

My first big decision was to end my professional relationship with a client who was taking up too much of my time and who treated me as an employee instead of a collaborator or consultant. Neither of us was happy with this situation, and both parties were frustrated. The client wanted a full time assistant to be at his office and available on demand. I could respond to the urgent requests, and I had more than enough time to deal with any regular work by being on-site two days per week, but this was not optimal for the client. He wanted someone there, just in case.

So I decided to let this client go, despite the financial hole this would create on a short term basis.

I was afraid, but I have never felt happier. I am currently training the full time assistant one day per week and she will be able to take over very soon. Projects have been coming in, clients have been calling and new opportunities have arrived. I am reorganizing my services and focusing on what I love to do.

I haven’t replaced all the billable hours from this client yet, but I will. I am confident, I feel good about this decision and I know it was the right thing for me.

I also believe that this is a first in a series of big decisions. It’s my turn!

Stay tuned for big decision number two.