Virtually real- Virtuellement vraie

Micheline Harvey: Virtual Assistant, real person/Adjointe Virtuelle, mais tout à fait vraie

When is it their turn? April 23, 2014

alonegirl,sad cute girl alone wallpapers (4)

So many times, I’ve been told to change my attitude, change my outlook, consider things differently, accept that so-and-so is “that way” and deal with it the best I can.

Although I do agree with this advice most of the time, and I know you can’t change others, you can only change yourself, I must admit that it gets old at times, just like the people who insist that a positive attitude will bring you only positive things all the time in life, the same people who think that illness and bad luck are brought on by negative thoughts (“it’s all in your head”). To some extent, this type of preaching can be exhausting. Not everyone brings on sickness or bad events by negative thoughts. If this was true, how do you explain babies who have cancer? Little children who are in horrible accidents? Mistreated animals?

It can’t always be that simple.

I am willing to work on myself, change my attitude, try to be patient and accepting and not let negative people or things affect me too much. But the thing is that I also believe that others must work on themselves, change their attitudes at times, be patient with me when I’m not okay or with others when they are not okay, and make efforts when their behaviour is having a negative effect on the people around them.

I won’t always make excuses for everyone else and just constantly be working on myself and letting others act however they want, as if I was the most flawed person in the universe and they are all right.

It doesn’t make sense.

There comes a time when you should expect at least SOME effort from others, part of the time.

This is where I am right now, and why I need to retreat a bit, perhaps to accept that this is just the way things are in life.

Step up, people! We’re all in this together. It’s time.

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My cousin on New Year’s – Ma cousine au Jour de l’An January 3, 2014

Filed under: Family — matamich @ 9:19 pm
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My cousin on New Year's - Ma cousine au Jour de l'An

Happy New Year wishes from my hero cousin who has come a long way. Des souhaits de Bonne Année de ma cousine, qui a parcouru tout un chemin.

 

Courage, or my cousin Cindy. December 8, 2013

Filed under: Family — matamich @ 2:26 pm
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I hardly ever get to see my family in Nova Scotia. I am very thankful for Facebook and social media that keep most of us up to speed about our lives and give us the opportunity to communicate a little more often.

Last July, hubby and I took an impromptu road trip to P.E.I. to visit the island and have a little vacation. As we drove around and ended up standing at the ferry dock in Wood Island, I could see Nova Scotia on the other side. I knew that there was no way I couldn’t hop over for a visit, even just for a few hours!

So we took the ferry early the next morning and surprised my Nana, spent some time with my Aunt Joyce and Uncle Danny, visited Grampa’s grave and had a nice lunch in Pictou. As I was leaving Joyce and Danny’s, my cousin Cindy pulled up behind us. I was so happy to see her, give her a big hug and chat for a few minutes about our shared love of “creepy” things, movies, and stories, and so on.

Cindy and Mich

Little did I know, a mere few weeks later, I would receive the news that Cindy was fighting for her life and in need of an emergency liver transplant!

All the cousins and family lived through this crisis, hour by hour, day by day, asking for news, keeping informed, messaging each other, sending our energy, love and healing vibes. We were so afraid for her, but we all felt strongly that she would pull through. My cousin Cindy is a fighter. She recently decided to check a few things off her “bucket list” and jumped out of a plane (wearing a parachute, of course)! She rocks!

The waiting, the uncertainty, the need for an emergency liver transplant and all the time she was unconscious, semi-conscious, fighting complications, infections, going in and out of surgery was nerve-wracking for us all. I can only imagine how her mom, dad, siblings and kids felt through all this! I hope that they felt our love and support and that it helped keep them strong.

Now, several weeks later, we’ve had the joy of hearing news of important milestones: that Cindy was conscious, that she sat on the edge of her bed for a few minutes, that her brother made her a Halloween costume of the board game “Operation” out of a sheet, and she wore it on Halloween in her hospital bed, that she was feeding herself and complaining about all the fuss. That she took a few steps with a walker, went outside for a few minutes, laughed at our silly voice messages, talked via Facetime or just smiled for a picture or short video that was posted online just for us.

In a short few weeks, that may have seemed much longer for those who are very close to Cindy, we went from fearing that we’d lose her, to cheering her on as she overcame the odds and showed us all what she’s really made of. A roller coaster ride, for sure!

Through this, I realized once again how fragile life is, how everything can change very fast and how important good health is. Nothing should be taken for granted and no opportunity should be missed.

Everyone should start crossing things off the bucket list, like Cindy. She is an example. She is brave.

 

You’re gay? Well then I don’t love you anymore. April 6, 2013

GayPrideHeart

I’m tired of hearing stories about people who stop speaking to friends or family members who come out to them as being gay. I’m sick and tired of hearing about how awful it is for the parents, siblings, etc.

 Have you ever considered how horrible it is to have to pretend to be what you are not in a society where there is still prejudice and violence and you feel that even the people who are closest to you, even your own parents, will no longer love you if you are honest and true to yourself and come out as a gay man or woman?

 This is the root of the problem, people. If this pressure and judgement did not exist, then gay and lesbian youths would stop pretending to be straight, entering into heterosexual relationships and marriages and then coming out much, much later and upsetting everyone, including their own children!

 How can you honestly say that you love your child and yet turn your back on that same child when he or she admits his true sexual orientation? How can prejudice and fear affect true love?

 It makes no sense. And as long as we don’t address the true root of the problem i.e. society’s prejudice, judgement and violence, there will continue to be heartache, sadness, tension and even the unthinkable. Wonderful, caring, loving men and women may turn to suicide because the people that they love most can’t get past petty judgement and fear.

Take a look at the real problem. Then make an effort to change.

 

Where have all the good men gone? January 3, 2013

insecurity1Is life with an insecure man possible, long term? Or is it a road to disaster? I understand that insecurity often stems from childhood, the way he was brought up, bad experiences, trauma, being overly criticized. I know it can come from a previous bad relationship if he was taken advantage of.

The thing is, we’ve all been through stuff, and we all have baggage. At some point, you have to grow up and let it go.

Most of the time, you can’t even spot an insecure man in a crowd. The insecure man will put on a show when in the presence of others, acting as if he’s fully secure in his own identity and has total confidence in himself, his ideas, his beliefs, his actions.

But the insecure man is unable to laugh at himself. If you make a joke about something he says or does, even if it’s quite funny, he’ll become insulted. He’ll accuse you of attacking him. He’ll shut down and give you the silent treatment. He’ll lash out at you, and insult your personality, your character traits. He’ll fight dirty and attack you personally.

You may laugh because he’s all excited about going to the gym and talking about it for the umpteenth time, although every time he talks about this, he never goes. Or he goes a few times and then gives up, letting his costly membership run out without getting his money’s worth. Will he laugh and sheepishly admit that you’re right, he’s a big talker but he never quite makes the commitment? Oh no. He’ll stop talking to you, turn his back, and ignore you if you talk to him. And when you ask him what’s wrong, he’ll tell you that you are a mean spirited person, that you constantly attack him all the time, you don’t encourage him, and so on.

The insecure man needs constant praise. Whether he paints a fence, washes the car, cooks a meal, picks up take-out or gives you a ride to work. If you don’t give him praise, he will feel neglected and hurt. He will take it personally. Does he praise you when you perform your multiple daily, weekly, monthly tasks? Of course he doesn’t. Praising you is quite secondary. He only cares about what he gets.

It makes you wonder what on earth his mother did to make him so needy. It makes you wish moms would step up and raise their little boys to be real men.

The recipe for survival with an insecure man is to never, ever say anything negative, derogatory or laugh at anything he does or says. Never tease him. Not even in good spirit. He’ll take it the wrong way and make you feel like crap for days. The price is too high to pay.

You have two choices, either you praise him for every little thing that he does or at the very least agree with him and say “okay”. Don’t express yourself. Don’t react normally. Whatever you do, do not laugh.

If you are able to live while constantly walking on eggshells, or turn yourself off and become partially dead inside, then things will probably run smoothly for a number of years. If the very thought of turning into some deranged robotic Stepford Wife terrifies you, the operative word would probably be… RUN.

Or you could just rethink the whole thing over a glass or two of wine and practice the fine art of “letting go”. This way you don’t even notice the insecurity. You just smile and carry on.

 

But why do I always have to make the bed? November 4, 2012

Hubby seems to have an aversion to a nicely made bed. Either that or he thinks that magic little cleaning and bed making fairies come after he awakes and make up the bed.

He never makes the bed. Not even when he gets up after me. Not even when he banishes me to the guest room because I have a cold and am coughing. By the way, he snores loudly and often. On a regular basis, he wakes me up several times per night and it takes me awhile to get back to sleep. I have never banished him to the guest room. Just saying…

I’ve confronted him about making the bed, at least once in awhile to give me a break. He insists that he has already turned down the bed so his job is done. The thing is, I turn down the bed often, and I don’t consider this a job. You have to take off the pillows and pull down the blankets to get into the bed! But he says that if he turns down the bed, then he shouldn’t have to make it.

This week, he banished me to the guest room because I caught his horrible man-cold and was having coughing fits.

Every single morning, all week long, I ended up making the guest bed AND our bed.

I don’t think it even occurred to him that this was wrong. Not to mention lazy.

So, why do I always have to make the bed?

 

My daughter, my teacher September 16, 2012

Filed under: Family — matamich @ 5:07 pm
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My daughter is all grown up. From the baby I carried and gave birth to, protected and nurtured, cuddled, fed, hugged and kissed, kept warm and safe, to a toddler, a preschooler, a little girl, a teen with all the challenges along the way as I did my best to set a good example, today I realize that she is the one teaching me to live.

She moved out of the house amidst heartbreak and drama and moved to her father’s house, where she has more space and more independence, and less Mom.

She drives her own little used car everywhere she needs to go. She finds solutions to problems and new, unknown situations. She goes out, participates, she puts herself out there.

My daughter is much less of an introvert than I am. And, although I completely understand the meaning of being an introvert, and I know that it does not make me less of a person as many mistakenly believe, or as society has wrongfully led us to believe, I also know that for me, leaving my comfort zone is far more of a challenge.

Watching my daughter do it all, although she is much braver than I will ever be, I feel stronger, happier, and I push myself because if she can do it, then so can I!

And I tell myself, that if my daughter can teach me important lessons, then I must have done something right!